Fear is not the only thing stopping you|| 2.16.16

I am scared. I am scared of mediocrity. I am afraid that I am so smart I am destroying myself. I am afraid that I am thinking so hard so fast that my head will explode. I am afraid of the future. I am afraid of the past. I am afraid of what every moment of life holds. I am not afraid to live. But I am afraid of everything that comes with it. 

This fear keeps me awake. It pours out of my veins into my everyday life. My father told me 

They say you are born free but you are chained everywhere. The things that are good for you are tough. 

Don’t underestimate other people’s efforts. And don’t be selfish. Unless you truly care about the outcome of your life.

Most of us don’t. 

Most of us are just afraid. 

October Emptiness

 My goal for this month is to post something regardless of the quality everyday. 

Yes, I know I am five minutes late. Thanks for noticing. 

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So today was weird. In two respects the first being the development of goals and the understanding of this months prospects. The second was my kinda shitty friends¿ who I hung out with today, who cease to confuse me. 

So this month hold q lot of stress for me starting with my SAT exam on Saturday, to my first football game immediately after, all the way to my calc ab midterm Tuesday and so on. That is why I hav decided sail blog posts is the way to go to clear my head. I need to dump all my video diaries onto my laptop and stuff but I have just been putting it off like a lazy butt. Hopefully soon. I’ll try to keep you updated even though you probs don’t care. 

So my friends. I mean they are nice. (I’m changing names for all intents and purposes ) so Ophelia and annabeth are really nice. They listen and are really loyal, but Katherine is sort of bitchy. And we just dropped this one girl from our group Camille because everyone thought she was too weird or something. And we literally just fucking iced her out. And that’s just rude. Like Jesus. And Annabeth is pretty good about having her on friends and opinions but Ophelia sort of clings to Katherine’s friends and stuff. Which is hard on me because I want hen to be my main group but I feel like if I have outside friends Katherine will convince the group they can just drop me. And it’s literally so fucking annoying not knowing if your doing the right things or not. And even if I didn’t do something that bad or something Katherine would find a way to convince Ophelia that I’m a jerk and annabeth would sort of be helpless or worse agree. Angela I just needed to get that off my chest. I’m not gonna lie my name switching is shitty at best but hey atleast I finally got to talk through it. 

Well, goodnight and happy close to the first day of October 2015.

Thanks for reading,