I am scared. I am scared of mediocrity. I am afraid that I am so smart I am destroying myself. I am afraid that I am thinking so hard so fast that my head will explode. I am afraid of the future. I am afraid of the past. I am afraid of what every moment of life holds. I am not afraid to live. But I am afraid of everything that comes with it.
This fear keeps me awake. It pours out of my veins into my everyday life. My father told me
They say you are born free but you are chained everywhere. The things that are good for you are tough.
Don’t underestimate other people’s efforts. And don’t be selfish. Unless you truly care about the outcome of your life.
Most of us don’t.
Most of us are just afraid.
So I was planning no revisiting some stuff today, but in the spirit of moving on I have decided not to dabble on it. With that in mind let us proceed.
My goal for this month is to post something regardless of the quality everyday.
Yes, I know I am five minutes late. Thanks for noticing.
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So today was weird. In two respects the first being the development of goals and the understanding of this months prospects. The second was my kinda shitty friends¿ who I hung out with today, who cease to confuse me.
So this month hold q lot of stress for me starting with my SAT exam on Saturday, to my first football game immediately after, all the way to my calc ab midterm Tuesday and so on. That is why I hav decided sail blog posts is the way to go to clear my head. I need to dump all my video diaries onto my laptop and stuff but I have just been putting it off like a lazy butt. Hopefully soon. I’ll try to keep you updated even though you probs don’t care.
So my friends. I mean they are nice. (I’m changing names for all intents and purposes ) so Ophelia and annabeth are really nice. They listen and are really loyal, but Katherine is sort of bitchy. And we just dropped this one girl from our group Camille because everyone thought she was too weird or something. And we literally just fucking iced her out. And that’s just rude. Like Jesus. And Annabeth is pretty good about having her on friends and opinions but Ophelia sort of clings to Katherine’s friends and stuff. Which is hard on me because I want hen to be my main group but I feel like if I have outside friends Katherine will convince the group they can just drop me. And it’s literally so fucking annoying not knowing if your doing the right things or not. And even if I didn’t do something that bad or something Katherine would find a way to convince Ophelia that I’m a jerk and annabeth would sort of be helpless or worse agree. Angela I just needed to get that off my chest. I’m not gonna lie my name switching is shitty at best but hey atleast I finally got to talk through it.
Well, goodnight and happy close to the first day of October 2015.
Thanks for reading,
Sometimes I just don’t have a lot to say.
Sometimes I just don’t have anything to say that other people will care about.
Sometimes I just don’t have a way of fathoming my thoughts into words.
Sometimes I just want a better life to live.
The summer treats us all differently and whether that is a result of our ill-conceived conception on what vacationing is or the laziness that controls our movements is beyond me.
I am not one to say something is juvenile or child like because I constantly act as if I am 5. Courtesy of my inability to be a regular functioning human being, some might say my lifestyle is a “juvenile jungle”, and they would be right.
With the end of my least favourite month and the start of a reasonably fun month, I decided to start a new system of organization. This system needless to say is the Bullet Journal (as well as regular journaling).
Man so after a refreshing rewind of a break 2015 is already shaping up
To be something…
Okay so I feel like I am always explaining why haven’t update in so long and I have a pretty good reason this time… MY HARD DRIVE CRASHED.
I’m pretty damn sad. Not only did I lose all my photography work and my priceless compilation of Adam Levine gifs, now I have to blog and stuff off my ipad. #seriouslynotconvenient
So I was planning on posting a “What’s to be expected in November” post, and then I played tennis in the cold and began to die.